In the past decades modern medicine has made unbelievable advances and if you lead a relatively healthy life (that means no smoking and no excessive drinking and binge eating) and are not a victim of a freak accident, you will probably grow very old. After having worked almost their whole life, you would expect people to be happy to retire and use all their new won free time to do all the things they missed out on for the past years. I know several people above the age of 70 and something that tends to strike me, is their belief that they are constantly ill and will die soon. Of course after a certain age the human body is prone to sickness, but even if the doctors ensure a clean bill of health they are convinced that something is wrong with them. I don’t want to insinuate that every person over 70 is a hypochondriac but sadly it often seems that way. It must be frustrating to outlive your friends and close relatives and it might even awaken a feeling of despair or depression.
When I talk about these old people I don’t mean any disrespect. For example I used to have the utmost respect for my grandfather but his constant obsession with his own mortality has it made very difficult to talk to him in the last few years. He has always been a very healthy person (except for his minor heart attack a few years back which he survived without any medical consequences) and I have always found it astonishing how he was still able to chop wood or work in his workshop at the age of over 80. But during the last few years he has been convinced that he will die soon and has given up. He doesn’t care about anything important anymore, ignores his family (two daughters and 4 grandchildren) and waits to be taken by Death. It is very painful to witness the decline of a loved one and it even makes me angry. He is now 86 years old and even managed to get his driver’s licence renewed last year. Unfortunately after Christmas he became so obsessed with the idea that something is wrong with him and so he had to go to a hospital and since then he has not been able to leave even though the doctors say he is fine. He is so convinced that he is dying that they cannot release him (he needs a lot of care now since he has given up and does not want to leave the bed) and it has also been impossible to place him at a retirement home (even though he bought himself a place in a care facility just for such a case). Not that his family wants him out of the way. It is just impossible to give him the care he need at home.
Well I am drifting of my point. My grandfather has always been a person who wanted to be on top of things. He read several newspapers every day, was politically invested and had strong opinions about the world and current events (who could blame him after having witnessed a war himself). This obsession (I really can’t think of another word here) has ruined what could have been a very healthy and productive retirement for him. He even started to write down his memories of the war but gave up because it was too painful. I always wanted to record his experiences so that the horrible events of the World War II would not be forgotten. It is sad to see that nothing is of any joy to him anymore. Worst of all is his apparent anger at the world, which he displays in anger fits he hurls at his visitors. It makes it very difficult for his children to visit him because he usually treats them like servants and strangers (even though he is not senile).
I hope I myself will be able to enjoy the rest of my life and use all the time I have been given to the fullest. I would really love to hear from some of my readers here. What are your opinions on this topic? Do you agree with me? Or do you think I am being too harsh with him? Please feel free to comment.
When I talk about these old people I don’t mean any disrespect. For example I used to have the utmost respect for my grandfather but his constant obsession with his own mortality has it made very difficult to talk to him in the last few years. He has always been a very healthy person (except for his minor heart attack a few years back which he survived without any medical consequences) and I have always found it astonishing how he was still able to chop wood or work in his workshop at the age of over 80. But during the last few years he has been convinced that he will die soon and has given up. He doesn’t care about anything important anymore, ignores his family (two daughters and 4 grandchildren) and waits to be taken by Death. It is very painful to witness the decline of a loved one and it even makes me angry. He is now 86 years old and even managed to get his driver’s licence renewed last year. Unfortunately after Christmas he became so obsessed with the idea that something is wrong with him and so he had to go to a hospital and since then he has not been able to leave even though the doctors say he is fine. He is so convinced that he is dying that they cannot release him (he needs a lot of care now since he has given up and does not want to leave the bed) and it has also been impossible to place him at a retirement home (even though he bought himself a place in a care facility just for such a case). Not that his family wants him out of the way. It is just impossible to give him the care he need at home.
Well I am drifting of my point. My grandfather has always been a person who wanted to be on top of things. He read several newspapers every day, was politically invested and had strong opinions about the world and current events (who could blame him after having witnessed a war himself). This obsession (I really can’t think of another word here) has ruined what could have been a very healthy and productive retirement for him. He even started to write down his memories of the war but gave up because it was too painful. I always wanted to record his experiences so that the horrible events of the World War II would not be forgotten. It is sad to see that nothing is of any joy to him anymore. Worst of all is his apparent anger at the world, which he displays in anger fits he hurls at his visitors. It makes it very difficult for his children to visit him because he usually treats them like servants and strangers (even though he is not senile).
I hope I myself will be able to enjoy the rest of my life and use all the time I have been given to the fullest. I would really love to hear from some of my readers here. What are your opinions on this topic? Do you agree with me? Or do you think I am being too harsh with him? Please feel free to comment.
3 comments:
The story of your grandfather is partly a really sad story. But his behaviour is to some degree understandable. When you grow old you realize that life ends. Everybody knows that but did you ever really realize? I guess not since in your young thinking it is far off or a part of a distant future. Of course, looking back on a rich life full of family and pleasure can be a reason to finally enjoy the rest and be grateful. But you also realize that nothing will ever be the same again. Particularly after a heartattack like your grandfather suffered from. After something like this, death becomes a constant companion. That is simply the natural way and you realize that much harsher than before. Apart from that people lose their normal way of living and maybe even companions who had been there for almost all their life when they retire and grow old. All of a sudden you face a life bare of any former sense it may have had before. What do you understand under enjoying your life? When all the used patterns vanish and you are left alone with no real duties or things to do, how would you react? Life is not just about fun and watching television. It is about finding your inner self and most of all realize your dreams. That becomes harder the older you get, my friend. Maybe you even already survived the fulfilment of your dreams and are left with nothing.
I hope this gives you a deeper insight in to the life of old people and maybe even your own. From knowing you I know how hard it is four you to be alone. Meet your grandfather with the same standard and try to understand him a bit better. This will probably not change his behaviour but it will definately change yours!!
Take care!
First of all let me thank you for your reply. I'm well aware that it is very difficult to cope with the changes that occur when you get older, especially if you lose a person close to you. I also know how hard it is too let people go that you care very deeply about. It is however not this that I criticize (or maybe just don't understand). I also don't believe that the purpose in life is TV and fun. I just think that you should not treat your family and friends like dirt because you have a feeling of dread. You should be thankful for their presence and support and not push them away as well. It is surely very harsh to see that you are no longer able to do everything you could when you were younger and it must be very lonely sometimes. But there are always ways to help you over these stretches and they usually all include the ability to communicate with the people that want to help you.
If you are lonely rejecting all the people that visit you and try to stay in touch with you on a regular basis won't help to feel less so.
I did not want to justify the behaviour of your grampa, don't get me wrong. Just your report starts with "old people"..., but then mostly talks about the one single experience of your family. Thus I wanted to give you a reply that includes an understanding for old people in general, not only your grampa. He just grew up in a different world and seems not to be used to letting people close to him. His authoritarion raising may also explain why he can not deal with his problems in front of his daughter. Imagine, in former times he was the figure of authority and raised your mom. Now he is supposed to let her help him. I think this is hard for him. Why he is so unfriendly towards you or your sister, I cannot explain though.
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